Have you ever watched a relationship, family, recovery group, or workplace divide into opposing sides? One person regarded as the hero, another the villain, and suddenly sides are declared and there seems to be no room for moderate thinking or neutrality.
There are types of people prone to splitting behavior. Whether in regard to extremes in perspective...or as it pertains to dividing everyone in their path. A "divide and conquer" mentality even applies to family, friends and coworkers.
In psychology, "splitting" describes a pattern of seeing people, oneself or a situation as entirely good or entirely bad. Sometimes swinging from one end of that spectrum to the other in 24 hours.
In high-conflict relationships and when dealing with emotionally unhealthy thinking...this black-and-white thinking can fuel blame, triangulation, and division.
In some situations, whether family, friend groups and even in employment settings it can cause wars.
In addiction and recovery, families and loved ones as well... can become trapped in these dynamics too. People take sides, trust erodes, and the real issues get buried beneath arguments over who is right or wrong, and who is good or bad.
So how do we navigate it?
Validate feelings without automatically validating accusations or conclusions.
Set boundaries without guilt.
Stay grounded in facts rather than getting recruited into someone else’s conflict.
Most importantly, remember that understanding someone’s pain or heightened emotions doesn’t require abandoning your own perspective or values.
When you feel pressured to take a side, step back and ask yourself: "Am I part of a process of solution? Or am I being recruited into someone else's conflict and drama."
Peace can be found when we stop fighting over who gets to control the narrative and start focusing on what we can control: our responses, our boundaries, and our own work.
We may not be able to change the people around us, but we can refuse to participate in drama and division.
That’s how we stay Unhooked!
I wish you well,
Annie Highwater